So here’s the deal.  I have absolutely no clue what I am doing with my love life.  I feel like a disheveled mess.  Yes, I broke up with my boyfriend.  Yes, I went back to him and made a deal.  We would see each other, but I would see other people.  For those who think I made a typing mistake, “I” not “we” is correct.

I couldn’t stand it if he saw other people.  Yes, a huge double standard but it is the truth.  What is important is that he is happy with the deal.  If I see other people, that gives him the much-needed space that he is longing for without me hovering over him.  It takes the pressure off our relationship, and keeps us from getting too serious.

Commitment problems?  Definitely has that flavor, but I think I am suffering from my own issues, too.  Yes, I get the best of both worlds.  I still have my best friend, and I’m still racking in the most delicious hugs, and I get to go out and flirt guilt-free.  To add to my benefits, I get to stay up all night dancing with men who are paying attention to me.  Sooo fun.

Here’s the downside: none of the other guys even come close to my boyfriend.  Do I even call him that now?  He says yes, but I am not committed, so is that the right reference, or is he one of the guys I am currently dating?

My friends and family are not happy at all with this deal  One of them said it was heading for a “train wreck.”  Another said that she wasn’t going to speak to me if I continued to talk to her about men.  Ugh.  Seriously?

None of them understand why I don’t do the right thing and just walk away.  I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said, “It’s your life.  You get to do what you want.”

I actually think that is the soundest advice.  I will listen to him.  I want him.  I want to be with him, and I want to be out of the relationship and looking for other relationships to see if there is something more stable.  Does that make me a complete mess like my friends say?  Maybe?  But am I the one that gets the loving hugs and the dances?  Absolutely.  Maybe I will straighten up and be healthier after I am danced out.