Am I the only one that has noticed that more marriages have come out of the Bachelor in Paradise than in Bachelor/ Bachelorette show combined? Bachelor in Paradise is in the middle of its third season. And Bachelor brand has been running for 20 seasons.
Why is that?
Increasing the Odds
Obviously, the first answer is there are more options and a potential match up because of the pure numbers. It is not 20-25 girls going after one man. It has almost even numbers of males and females so naturally that increases the marriages possibilities.
(Girls, remember that! Your chances for marriage or even a committed relationship increases with the more guys you meet. So, getting on a reality TV show might not be the best answer for finding love. You would have more luck attending single functions that are offered with your local Meetup groups or online dating services. Just saying…)
Battle Wounds Bonding
Anyone who has watched any of these shows has seen that being a participant on the show is not for the faint-hearted. Yes, the organizers are trying to create problems and struggles to produce a good show.
What I find amazing is so many of these starry-eyed participants seemed genuinely shocked when hard things happen to them. It is like they believe in the phrase “paradise” and they expect that is what is going to happen to them.
Going to Paradise is not just a free vacation. It is an opportunity for everyone on the show to be exposed to their flaws, vulnerabilities, wishes, and to go through a hard time. There is going to be tests for to each person on the show.
Because there is always the looming threat that the participant will not be chosen, that produces the higher probability of bonding. Each person is always at a risk of not getting the rose—or in other words—being rejected. Existing in this discomfort the participants have the option to either bond with others on the show who are experiencing the same thing or to fight with them.
Of course, the participants are hoping that they will bond with other participants and find the love. The show hopes for the fighting. If the participants are successful, they will have managed to create at least one safe place in the world. Well, at least in the bubble reality they find themselves in. The girls want the hero that will protect them, and the guys want the damsel in distress that they can be the hero and save. This produces the perfect condition for an entertaining show.
Old school motivations I know, but that tendency is still alive and well in the reality love TV shows. Because most of the contestants are driven by these motivations and, oh yeah, the desire to be famous, this produces a powerful formula for birthing real feelings for your other fellow captives. A prime example of this is Carly Waddell and erectile dysfunction guy, Evan Bass. There is a high probability that relationship would have never even started if those two were living and meeting in the real world.
Carly seemed very surprised that she has feelings for Evan, but what choice did she have? She could have started having feelings for this guy, who she thought was a bit of a nerd, and who was going to great lengths to get her attention, or she could be sent home, and once again be a failure at finding love. What would you choose?
Besides what else was there to do on the island except for drink and swim in the ocean? Of course, the participants couldn’t bring their phones, no books, or movies. She might have fallen for Evan as a way to survive the boredom.
More Mimic Real Life
I believe the fact that the show brings in “temptation” regularly into the paradise versus only having one person being the object of desire is another reason Bachelor in Paradise produces more real marriages.
In the real world, there isn’t only one person who could satisfy your romantic fantasy. There are lots! Yes!!!! But on the mother show, there is only one person who becomes the object. That one person is that target that the participants often become narrowly focused on.
In Bachelor in Paradise, there is always someone else coming that the participants could jump to from the current interest, and many do! Part of the fun of watching the show is to see who will be tempted and what will they do about it.
Couples who stay together in the midst of temptation are couples who have a stronger foundation built between them. The bond came about more natural and more like the normal way (if there is one) relationships are built.
Yes, I’m Going to Say it … More Fair Rules
The fact that the girls get to hand out the roses and determine who stays one week and the boys get the power the next week is a more fair way of going about this brutal battle of sorting who is going to hook up and who is going to last another week on the show.
The fact that the power is more equal makes it so there is a more natural order of how the relationships are built. The person with the stronger personality and better ability to seize the power in the relationship will. That is the way it happens in the real world.
The couples who are more equal or go back and forth in who has the power are the ones who do best in the Bachelor in Paradise. Personally, I love watching the men and their reactions when their women have the power. How do they handle it? Does it threaten them? What does that inform the woman of how their future relationship problems will be?
Luce Morris in an episode three of season three liked to flaunt her power with Grant. She would repetitively tell Grant that he wasn’t going to get the rose. She would say this to him after flirting with others. Obviously, by her having the power, she decided to use it to test her guy and see how he would react. How would he handle it? What would he do? Could he handle her type of craziness her actions seem to be screaming?
Well, during the show on that episode he did handle it, and it calmed her anxiety. It was a huge test she was putting him through to see how he would be when she became emotional and irrational.
She even commented on the show how impressed she was at his ability to handle her in a gentle way. He clearly wasn’t liking having to do that, but by him sticking to her side, and reconfirming his loyalty and dedication to her that power struggle brought them together.
What do you think?
Why do you think there are more marriages coming out of Bachelor in Paradise? Do you agree with my reasons? Disagree? I’d love to hear if I missed some important ones.
Maggie Chambers, the main character in Romancing JT, a must read novel due out this winter, reality TV star, and self-proclaimed relationship expert.