Okay, girls I am tired of hearing that there are no good men out there. Or, that you will never catch a guy. Or, any other lame excuse that you are giving yourself, and all those around you, of why you aren’t in a relationship.
The truth is you can be in a relationship if you want. You can learn the skills and you can be happy in that relationship. I truly believe that. I really do. But there are some ways of being that need to be learned. One of the major skills that is important to master is ….
Before I spill to you the secret sauce, let’s talk about Bachelor in Paradise 3. The show was unfolding in it’s normal fashion and the guys were meeting the girls and being friendly. There was some sparks being exchanged, but on a slow level, but then suddenly …. so and so walks in.
You know the girl. The girl that turns the heads of all the guys. The guys start stuttering. The question is why that girl?
The Obvious Reasons
There is the obvious reason that that particular girl is beautiful. Yes, that is true. I am not going to deny that, but almost every girl on the show is strikingly beautiful. So why are there the ones that really stand out?
Before I give you the reasons I think it is, I would love you to come up with your own conclusions and see what you already intuitively know.
Needy, Party Girl, Take Home to Mom, Or Friend Zone?
Here’s the deal girls, when a guy first meets you, he’s sorting which category he is going to put you in. You can be put into several different ones. You can get into the category that I like to call “Bat Shit Crazy”—or the “Drama Queen” zone. Most guys—let me clarify this—most guys who have the capacity and are looking for healthy relationships will be avoiding this type of girl. (Granted, there are sick guys, who become deeply attracted to this type of girl, but that is for a different blog post.)
Let’s Have Fun!
After that, there is the “party girl”. That is a girl who he is more than willing to have a lot of fun with. He does have fun with her, but he isn’t likely to settle down and get committed with this girl.
One of the big ways to avoid staying out of this category most of you won’t be happy to hear. Some will argue with me over it. Others will get really upset. Believe me, I don’t make the rules of the way a guy works if I did… . Anyways, my job is to help you along so that you can avoid heartache.
So with that said, don’t shoot the messenger! But it’s the way you dress. The girls on Bachelor on Paradise season three who wore less clothes had less respect from all the guys overall then the girls who wore more.
I am just saying the girls who had a little more clothes and treated themselves with a little more dignity on how they carried themselves immediately commanded the respect from the guys.
The guys like girls who don’t wear much clothes, but for the most part the girls who do this insert themselves into the “party girl” category. They see the girl more as an object, not someone who would have the class to be the mother of their child.
Please don’t be mad at me over this but I am telling you the truth. Listen or don’t.
So let’s go to the girl who the guy wants to take home to mom. What is she like. Caila Quinn walked into the Bachelor in Paradise as one of these girls. Why? What qualities did she have that had the guys turning their attention to her?
Do You have the Right Walk?
First off she walked in with a quiet confidence. She wasn’t showy in who she was, nor did she hold herself back and diminish the fact that she knew that she had a lot to offer.
Dressing the Part
Second, don’t shoot me, but she wore a tad bit more clothes and carried herself like a queen.
Taking Care of Inner Demons
Third, she wasn’t emotionally needy. She wasn’t desperate to be in a relationship. She wasn’t fixated on anyone. She entered into the scene with an air of openness and confidence.
The Attraction of Honey
Fourth, she truly was nice to other people. Granted Ashley didn’t feel that way but in Caila’s defense she did hold herself back when she and Jared hooked up, worrying about what Ashley was feeling and how she was taking the whole situation.
The Dreaded Zone
Now for the last category—not being put into the dreaded “friend zone”. Ashley got put there and had no way of getting out of it. The truth is once a girl gets put in a friend zone with a guy it is extremely difficult to make an exit.
I had to worry about the friend zone early in my adventures on Millionaire Engagement. If you want to know what I did to avoid it, you will have to read Romancing JT novel that stars me. I am not going to spoil the tale for you.
But I won’t leave you dangling either. The best way to avoid being in the friend zone is not approach the guy with too much masculine energy. You have to let the guy be the hero and, well, a guy.
Rock It Girl—Don’t Play Small
Also you must never ever have the guy think that you are so accomplished and have your act so much together that he can’t see where he fits in your life. I am by no means saying hold yourself back or not to be successful. I want you to be everything that you can be, but the guy has to see where he fits in the picture. Where can he be the hero in your life?
For some women it is, after they have been out fighting all the battles in the business world, they need someone who they can come home and snuggle with and who will allow them to be vulnerable, soft, and female. They need a spot where they don’t have to prove themselves.
Other women have so much seriousness in their lives they need someone who will make them laugh. Others need someone who will ground them and pull them away from always working so they can regenerate.
There is a lot of reasons a successful woman needs or wants a man so let the man know it and let him see it If he doesn’t see it, it doesn’t matter how much talking you do, he won’t believe it and will quietly insert you to the friend zone.
So if you want a good guy in your future own your own unique specialness, take care of your emotional demons, be open to the adventure of finding love and most of all have confidence because that is just sexy.