Please tell me why all my married friends think online dating is such a bad idea.  Whenever I mention getting online and ordering a new husband or boyfriend, depending on my mindset or goals at the time, their eyes get all wide, their noses start to curl up like they are too good for that sort of  thing, and I have a slight odor for even mentioning it.

These married people who look at me like I suddenly grew a third eye will often say something like, “Why would you want to do that?” or “That is creepy.”

Tell me how it is more creepy to meet someone on a social media platform through the screen of a computer than in real life?  On the computer the weeding out process is much easier and faster.  First off, more than half the computer user population can’t write a complete sentence with punctuation, which eliminates half the correspondence right there.  Then after that, a third of them show off what a creep they are by their opening line.  “Hey pretty, want to hook-up?” is not attractive and deserves zero response.

So that narrows down the list.  Then the guys who have tattoos spread across them like weeds, or the ones sporting gang-banger gestures, shorten the list.  The few that make it through the first filter often get themselves eliminated by calling for the first time at midnight or declaring that you are their soul mate before even meeting.

Even fewer make it through after those faux pas, but some do. Then comes the “scheduling a date” filter.  There are those that ask, book it, then cancel over and over—good-bye.  There are those who start by asking if  you are dating others and if you are going to stop; and let’s not forget the ones that decide McDonald’s is a great place to eat.

After all that, very few men show up as respectful, well-mannered,  and communicative possibilities.  I count myself lucky on all the dates I was spared because online dating revealed the above before the date.