I am a shattered, empty, hollowed-out vessel.  Pounds of body weight are falling off, proof of my devastation.  I desperately want my former boyfriend to call me.  To make up, say he’s sorry for the words, actions that crushed me.

I believed in him  wholeheartedly.  I believed in us with a few doubts, but I thought we would rise above them and work them out in the long run–making the journey of life side-by-side, but he’s not calling.  He’s not working it out.

I can’t help but ask why? Did I mean nothing to him?  Is he waiting for me to come back like I always do?  But doesn’t he know that this time is different?  He crushed me with his words.  In one conversation he ripped away my belief, my hope, and now he won’t call, text, or come over.  He is casting those words in cement.

I lost him.  I loved him.  I still love him and he is gone and I am alone.  Isolated, numb.

Others surround me.  Ask me out, but I am numb.  I want him.  I want the good version of him.  That’s reality.  And the loss crushes me, buries me in pain with so much ache I wish I could wither away.