There are many types of relationships out there. Many types of loves and expressions of loves and the way people relate to one another. I have always found that fascinating and am infatuated to watch the different ways people build marriages, partnerships, and their lives.
Having the unique advantage of being in three long terms marriages, I can tell you that not all marriages are built the same. It wasn’t until I was married to husband number two did I know all the vast possibilities that a couple could argue about. (There are a lot and many of them are just stupid. Extended family members should only come and crash at a person’s house no more than three days, but more accepted is two to three hours, right? Not weeks!) Seriously, after being in that relationship for a short time, he made husband number one look like not as bad, and husband number one wasn’t a peach.
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Then along comes husband number three and I suddenly am experiencing love—like real love for the first time. I am not saying that the others didn’t love me in their own way. I am saying that I knew that I was loved. There was no doubt. When things come up, which they always do in relationships, he always chose what was best for me, no matter what that meant for him. He never even thought about how it would affect him. Golden. Yes, I am holding onto him.
Why do I feel so much love from him and not the others? Well, for one thing, he speaks one of my love languages well—physical touch. When I am upset, he often doesn’t take it personally, and wraps me up in his arms, and comforts me. I melt. I love to be held by him and to be kept safe.
We have defined our relationship as the couple that is always touching and wanting to be together. Sickening, I know, but I don’t care. I have earned it. I observe couples that are completely content being away from each other and not much public touching. They seem every bit as happy as me.
That just goes to show you that there are a lot of different kinds of relationships and everyone gets to create the kind that works for them. Yes! Variety. Freedom. Happiness.
So with all that said it surprises me my reaction to when my husband had a slump with his work and was struggling to find more. This condition meant that he was home more. A lot more. I like being with him. He likes being with me, but this new condition meant that he was home during my writing time …
He’s a good guy. He understands the importance of my writing. He supports it, and encourages me to do it, and will happily go out to the garage, and do his thing there. But I was amazed at how much having him home all the time interfered with my flow.
Sometimes I’d get going, and suddenly I hear a TV on in the distance. (His break and eating time.) That would throw me completely out. Other times he would come in for a bathroom break and then not say hi to me. That would be through me out because I wanted my hug and kiss, and of course, once that thought entered in my head I had to get it. Then other times I was worried about him, and I just couldn’t settle down until I went out and checked on him to make sure he was happy (and looking for work).
So, yes, I was the problem in this area. I love to be with him, but then I needed him gone so I could write. Then finally he found a job that took him out of the house. He left and is gone for at least eight hours.
In the past when he was away that long I’d get depressed and miss him a lot. Not this time. This time I sat in my reading room with the computer on my lap listening to the utterly quiet house. The house spoke to me. Settling me down. Healing me and encouraging me to write. So I slipped into its hypnotic spell and let the words flow throw my fingers.
Do I miss him? Of course, and when he does come home, I am one of the first people to crawl into his arms. (That is if I can beat out the cats and my daughters.) But I didn’t realize how much I missed the trance of the utterly quiet house too and the spell that comes from being absorbed into the words.
Does this send mix messages to my husband? Yes. Am I a cling-on that wants always to be with him? Yes. Am I loner that needs the quiet to talk to me, yes. Am I alone in this? I don’t know. Let me know if I am or if there are others like me out there?