Pain and loss seem be what I am good at.  I didn’t know I could feel so much extreme pain outside of  childbirth.  If you offered the same meds they prescribe to ease the pain of childbirth, I’d take them in flash. Yes, sometimes the foot long needle to the back doesn’t sound so bad.

I have been offered wine/beer as the solution, but I know that will suppress, numb, and confuse the situation.  I’m gripped with such intense rounds of choking, emotional pain, I wither.  No solution.  No escape, just heartache—a tidal wave of emotion has gathered against me—I’ve grieved many losses, even  the loss of my current relationship has welled up within and is in spasm.  All the unprocessed emotion that had been left dormant decides to now rise up and choke, ache, throb, and stab.

Thanks.  Drag me under when I’m down.  There are breaks after I wither through the pain—it’s like childbirth breaking through the contractions—nothing to do  but gasp for air and wish this wasn’t my life and wonder why I am the only one who suffers so much and, so intensely?  What is wrong with me?  Why am I so different from everyone else?  I hurt so much and when will the pain stop?  It must stop sometime, but all the pain has gathered together and it seems like it is a life sentence.

Have others felt this down? This hurt? Please can someone tell me that this will pass.