Okay, why should I feel bad and like a misfit of society because I have two failed marriages? Actually, can I say they were failures? One lasted thirteen years and the other ten. If you ask me, that is a freakin’ long time, and a lot longer than many other things, like some celebrated athletes, for instance.
So what makes my marriages failures? The fact I didn’t want to live with my ex husbands for the rest of my life? Who says I have to do that to be considered a success? Well society says I have to live with the label of a divorcee for the rest of my life.
Society looks at marriage to be the pinnacle of aspiration. You have arrived if you are married.
Well, I’ve been married and I certainly did not feel like I arrived. In fact there were lots of times I felt downright trapped, miserable, and scared that I was going to be stuck with that person forever. How is that the pinnacle, and why am I looked down on because I said, “No thank you?”
Seriously. Why is something that causes so much pain to so many people sold as the solution? Since moving to California, I’ve been almost sold on the notion that being in a committed relationship without the entrapment of marriage is the answer. Well how is that a solution? You have no permanent label of marriage, and you have the fundamental religious people labeling you as “living in sin.” That’s still a pretty nasty label. Which one is better, sinner or failure? Hmm … I will have to think about that. I truly believe the answer will depend on my mood.
Now about the tangle of being: not committed, divorced, or not married? Well, those labels read, “Something is wrong with you.” Or “There’s a reason you are single.”
So when it boils down to it, here are your options:
- Be one of the lucky few to be in a happy marriage.
- Be trapped and miserable in a marriage.
- Be a failure.
- Be a sinner.
- Be weird and unencumbered.
The choice is yours.