Marriage Damaging Anyone who watched Bachelor in Paradise 3 heard mention of Andi Dorfman’s tell all book. In this book she dives in and explains to the waiting American public why her and Josh Murray are no longer together. From the moment I heard it referenced I was curious and I wanted to know what she had to say.

Advice for Andi

First off, I have to say Andi you shouldn’t have. Girl, when you had a traumatic breakup it is best to give yourself some time to recover from the breakup before putting pen to paper and making your views public. Give yourself time to reflect and calm down.

Dangers of Transparencies

In a time when transparency is the buzzword and everyone is spouting the virtues of being authentic and raw, there is a point when a person goes too far. In the book Andi went too far. Sharing with the American public that she went long periods of times where she ate endless cookies, drank and drank, and didn’t shave her arm pits and legs was, well, TMI.

Maybe I am old school, but I still want the prominent women figures who girls could look up to act like ladies. Have some social decorum. When I read endless pages about Andi’s drinking, and her defense for her indulgence, I can’t help but think about how much she was the problem.

I am positive that wasn’t her purpose of writing the book. It was very clear that she was angry. Really angry and wanted to get even for all the slights she thought she had.

Granted, I am not a big fan of Josh. I never have been. His control issues have just oozed over the TV screen, but from what I read on how Andi treated him, I started taking his side.

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic is not for the faint hearted. One of the major problems was that the alcoholic makes their primary relationship to be the alcohol.  In the book, Andi describes how she went to a wedding with Josh, but showed up really late because she decided drinking was more important then being with him.

I could understand how Josh would not be happy with that. I wouldn’t have been happy if I was in his place either! At this point in the book I realized that Josh and Andi didn’t work out because they had conflicting personalities that weren’t the most supportive of meeting each others inner needs than it being about Josh not being a good guy.

More Decorum Needed

Then when Andi goes into detail about her sexual exploits, I wanted to say stop. Doing something like that could only have one result—she was going to embarrass herself and those she wrote about.

It takes class to not write about that even if you are going to make money from the book deal. If you are doing something that is private between two individuals, keep it quiet please.

Someday she might have children and she will hopefully regret going into so much detail. At least I would. Doing something like that even if you are mad is crossing a line and it taints the way that people look at you.

Stop the Name Calling

Okay, I understand calling your ex names in private, but to go into great detail over and over again gives the impression that the name caller is vicious, and the one that has issues.

Bachelor in Paradise Tell all

Girls Read Her Reactions

There is a whole chapter where Andi finally gets up her courage to go get her stuff from Josh. She had been putting it off for weeks. I can understand that. That is always an uncomfortable scene.

I remember once doing it myself. I showed up at my ex’s house. He looked at me and opened the door. I walked by him. Grabbed a box and dumped all my stuff that I had at his place in the box and walked right past him without saying a word.

He didn’t say a word either. I was glad he didn’t because if he opened his mouth I would probably look at him and burst into tears. So that he didn’t speak had kept me angry enough to do what I had come to do.

But with Andi’s scene, she was smart enough, and maybe even smarter than me showed up when Josh was out-of-town. She went armed with her mother, which was another great idea.

She discovers that her stuff was piled into a huge heap in two different places in the apartment. She went on and on about how bad that was. That was where I have an objection.

I wanted to scream at her and say, “Stop. He is a guy. What do you expect? For a guy to even go to the effort to gather everything together suggests that he was probably thinking that he was doing a nice thing. Guys process differently than girls. They don’t look at shoes and see the huge value of them or think about wrinkles when they put things on a pile.”

Maybe Josh’s first effort was to make the pile then had planned to put all the stuff into boxes later, but he ran out of time or forgot. Who knows? The point is Andi took this offense that he was rejecting her, but she seemed to forget that she was the one who left him. She was the one who thought he wasn’t good enough for her.

Granted, there is no way those two belong together. I commend Andi for her great courage to finally say enough-is-enough and to get out. Love isn’t for the faint hearted and she had definitely taken her wounds.

But for her to expect him to handle her stuff the way she wanted especially after leaving it there for weeks as a haunting reminder of their failed relationship for Josh wasn’t cool. She was lucky he hadn’t burnt her clothes like she did to some of his stuff.

Re-look at the Situation

 I’d love for Andi to take time, cool down, and really look at the situation with different lenses. She might realize years later that they were young and both of them have made mistakes. Neither of them was good at meeting the needs of the other.

Josh would do better with a less aggressive woman. A soft touch I suspect will go a long way. He also needs someone who will stand up to his controlling techniques and tell him to knock it off.

Andi needs someone who will give her free reign so she can go out and be the wild horse she is and then come back and have a secure home front where she is loved and adored.

Bottom line is those two didn’t belong together and girls shouldn’t write a book of revenge for at least a year after your relationship ends so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of the world.


Maggie Chambers, the main character in Romancing JT, a must read novel due out this winter, reality TV star, and self-proclaimed relationship expert.