In a previous post I warned you about not become the obsessed Hurricane Ashley, now I just have to warn you not to make the hard-hitting mistake Andi made a couple of years ago in the Bachelorette.
I know it was a couple of years ago, but some people that are writing me and that I talk to keep making the mistake that she made. It is a common mistake and something that some really professional and successful women make—like Andi!
Andi Dorfman is gorgeous brunette who has a strong personality that won over the nation after she popped onto America’s televisions screens starring in Juan Pablo Galavis season of the Bachelor. I have to admit being a fan of the show and then starring in my own show; I am a big fan of Andi.
She is a great example of woman empowerment and not backing down when things get hard. She was already successful when she splashed onto the airways. She had shot up from college working as a lawyer before she even passed the bar. She then processed upward to become the Assistant D.A.
Bottom line this chic is tough, and she is smart. She is ambitious, and she is not afraid to fight for what she wants. She is clearly intelligent, bold, and beautiful. She was immediately popular among the fans and earned an invitation to come back as the Bachelorette. She had a great season where she stood boldly as she sorted through the men.
She was one of the bachelorette’s who actually looked at important details like, um, let’s say if she was compatible with the fellows. She thought about her choices, and it wasn’t all about if the guy was going to marry her. She examined their lifestyle and if there was chemistry.
Overall, her performance through the show made me very proud that is until the end. Let’s dive into Andi’s soft spot. Sorry, Andi, I have to. You were just too great of an example of this.
(I will admit with parenthesis that I am guilty of the same thing, but if truth be told you are more well-known that I am. Sad but true for now.)
Anyway about to the Achille’s heels of Andi—the bad boy. I’m not sure if that is the exact word. But Andi was a complete sucker for the guy that’s confident, attractive, and totally and completely into themselves.
Let’s talk about Josh Murray. He is tall, dark, handsome, and personable. He is a sports player, and he knows how to flirt with his dashing smile. He has confidence and charisma. He strutted right up to Andi the first night and caught her attention.
He managed to keep her attention throughout the whole journey. He was kind and athletic. So what is wrong with Josh and why was he a weakness for Andi. Josh is a great surface package, but he did give hints through the show that he was emotionally unavailable and that he is more into Josh than anything.
How does this work?
Emotionally Unavailable Guys
Emotionally Unavailable Guys have some similar traits about them, especially the Josh type. First off, they make a great first impression. They will stroll into a girl’s life with confidence, charm, and lets the weight of their good looks carry them.
Let’s face it, girls, if a guy is hot, he doesn’t have to do much to initially win you over? If most of us are going to be honest, we’d admit the answer would be, “probably not.” We will look twice if he is cute enough. If you don’t believe me, call the fire department and make sure there is a group of women at your house. Get prepared to see some drool. J
I did this once at my house. Well, actually I called 911 because someone in the house was having a medical issue. When the firemen showed up, and there were a lot of them because they were bored, I could hardly think about the ill person because my eyes were feasting on the gorgeous men.
There were gushing teenage girls in the house who squealed and dashed to the bathroom to fix their hair. Almost all thought went to the men, not the person that was suffering from the health problem. Even the neighborhood women were like that.
The Kindness Pour
Second, the emotionally unavailable men will originally show you a lot of interest and a lot of kindnesses, but this interest if you stay with them long enough will wane. You will note Josh showed up on Bachelor in Paradise trying to woo women there. While on the show, there were clips of him showing much more interest in pizza than he did the girls he was trying to woo.
Yes, these types of guys are more searching for a woman that looks good on their arm—the perfect accessory– than someone to build a healthy and supportive relationship with. They don’t mean to be like this and seriously don’t realize this is how they come across, but the fact is it is all about them.
My Type Syndrome
So Andi fell for the guy who she said over and over, “He’s my type.” She expressed worry on the show that Josh was just like who she had always gone for. She knew that he was just like all the others, and she willingly jumped into the line to go down the same train that she always went for.
Why do women do that? I have talked to a lot of women who do exactly the same thing. It wasn’t just a fluke with Andi. Nope. Why limit yourself and pigeon hole yourself to one type?
Sexual attraction is a lot of the reason, and that is a bad one. Sexual attraction gets you thinking with a different part of your body than your brain so stop it! A lot of great relationships have come from people who weren’t initially attracted to each other.
Shocking Yourself Out of the Pattern
If you are the “my type syndrome,” or if you are caught up in a “bad boy club,” I have an assignment for you that should shock you out of that bad pattern. Ready? Okay, I want you to go out with anyone that asks you out that is safe. If the guy is coming across as a serial killer or is slipping out on his wife—ignore him, but all apparent good guys go out on one date just to see what it is like. Give it a try and see what happens!
If you try this, it will give you an idea of what a different flavor of ice cream tastes like. Maybe just like at the ice cream shop you will find a flavor that you like even more than what you have always got.
Maggie Chambers, reality TV star and self-proclaimed relationship expert, is the main character in Romancing JT a must read novel due out this winter.