WritingI just finished the rough draft of my novel! It’s such a bittersweet feeling to write the last line and to go then to write another line then have this feeling of there’s nothing more to say. The sense is almost like having a loss. I don’t really want to say goodbye to these characters that by the end have become more real to me than many of my family members.

 

I love the lives of my characters. I want to know what is going to happen next and the real fact is I probably won’t know unless those characters merit a sequel. Since it is a love story that ends at the happy part of the romance, there is a high probability I won’t write about them more than mere mentions in other books. Lets face it, after saying, “I do,” then hard times and obstacles are bound to happen and thus ends the fantasy.

 

I know these last characters are going to have hard times in the future and I worry about them. My main character didn’t pick to love the man that she was most alike. She picked someone who will challenge her and make her grow.

 

Good for her! Rock on, sister. That was a brave choice and often in my books that doesn’t happen. I am the proud mom for the choice that she made, but also the worried mom because I know that not picking easy, but picking someone who is good for her in the end comes with a higher risk that something could go terribly wrong.

 

Yes, both characters are committed to growth now, but what happens if one of them changes? What am I thinking? Of course, they will change. What if one of them changes so much that it causes relationship problems?

 

Of course, that will happen. This worries me. Will they grow apart or together because of these events? In real life, both things happen. I hope their commitment to each other and their relationship is strong enough that they will use the obstacles to connect themselves even deeper.

 sad woman

 

I don’t know why I am so worried about them. I don’t think I have worried this much about any of my characters. My main character has been hurt so much and she has been through so much trauma I am feeling protective. I want her to forget that happy life that was promised at the end of the story. I know she will have it for awhile, but what will happen when real life seeps in?

 

How am I going to be able to sleep tonight if I don’t know? What can I do for these two so they will have a better chance? If I write more of their story, I will throw more hardships at them and see how they do. That seems cruel.

 

I want to put a protective bubble over them. I want more of a protective bubble over them then I do my own children. What is that about? I don’t know, but I know I could judge myself harshly over that one.

 

Maybe I will not be so tender with them when I get into the story and start strengthening  the tale and try to make the story work. Maybe when I experience the anguish and suffering of trying to fix all the plot mistakes and fix all the syntax error, I will lose my emotional connection to these two. Maybe I will become sick of the story like I do so often do in the rewrite stage.

 

But. maybe that won’t happen. Maybe I will have to write a novella about them just to find out if they make it through this tender time that they are in right now. I really hope they do. I hate it when couples who belong together break up.

 

Or, maybe I am feeling this more intensely this time because I finally found a man I love and adore. I know he feels the same about me, and maybe just maybe, I hope we don’t break up, either. That would be so sad. Maybe I hope that we make it through our personal obstacles and always find each other.  So far we have. Maybe I’m putting my personal desires onto my characters. Where does their world intermingle with mine and where does it separate?